Lemon Meringue Pie

I will never associate this dessert with anything or anyone other than my grandmother. It seems to me that every year, without fail, we have had this dessert on her birthday, and today is her birthday!

On the one hand, I must admit, I've never liked lemon meringue pie. I always secretly hoped that next year grandma would decide she liked strawberry or coconut cream better, or perhaps that I would suddenly find a taste for the shockingly tart lemon filling and not get in trouble for only eating the meringue on my pie.

Neither of these things ever happened, but this year I find myself missing the odd dessert that my family loves, and I miss having everyone together to eat it most of all.

Happy Birthday Grandma! I love you and miss you!

(ps, you can have my slice) : )

blarg, blarg, bleh, blarg, blechk! BLECHK!

I can't say that its been the best week, overall. I know that my last blog was filled with excitement and I have been trying to focus on it through the last couple days that have felt like a week in and of themselves.

Health complications seem to be a popular theme among friend and family right now (and apparently nationally). I can't say I feel like going into any details, which I suppose makes mentioning it in my blog a little pointless, but I think for anyone who's been there they understand that vague mention is easier than details.

Outside of this, I've just had one of those weeks. Alex keeps trying to cheer me up with the mention of the children's book "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day". Its about right for how a feel, but at the same time comparing my frustrations to getting gum stuck in one's hair doesn't always make me want to laugh at the situation. He's trying, though.

So this is my blog for the week. I should probably stop putzing around online and get back to my very stimulating assignments.

Imagine I wrote something brilliant and enlightening and we'll see if I can't come through next week.

The Little Engine (aka Kelly) That Could

The excitement is wearing off a bit, but that will probably make this blog more coherent than I have managed to be in conversation thus far this evening.

Tonight, something terribly exciting happened, though I may find it more exciting than anyone else. It doesn't really mean as much at surface value when you don't have the context of my negative thoughts and prayers as of late, specifically in the realm of academics and professional goals.

To give you some insight, one of my courses is proving extremely challenging for me, more so than any course I have ever stuck it out through (there was one class I withdrew from as an undergraduate which was worse). On Tuesdays I tend to leave class feeling empty inside, lost academically and professionally, and ultimately just a little depressed. Last Tuesday I decided to walk home from class to try to stave off these feelings, but they just wouldn't let me alone. I went from wondering how I would perform up to my standards to wondering what the point was in pursuing a graduate degree at all and how I could possibly think that I was capable of this career path.

Don't worry, I know that these are extreme and unfounded, and had moved past these thoughts soon after my walk. I quickly delved back into my work, because really, what else was I going to do? Drop out? That's not acceptable. Not without proof that I really can't do this, and when I am not overwhelmed, I really do believe I can.

On top of this, there is the woman I mentioned in my blog a couple days ago who has suddenly taken being a part of my life into her own hands. I, personally, hold claim to divine intervention, but it doesn't really matter why or how she decided to reach out to me. The fact of the matter is, that she has. And this evening I received yet another e-mail from her, this time with a link and attachment to information about a Faculty Internship at the community college she instructs at.

The application isn't due until July, and there are absolutely no guarantees (in fact they only take on about 6 people), which is why at face value this is merely useful information, but when you consider my feeling last week, it seems like some sort of omen. If you'd like to check it out, you will see that I included a link to information about it in my e-mail update. I don't think it is wise to post that information here. Essentially, I would be lined up to teach as an adjunct professor by next spring and would likely be hired as such for the following fall.

Okay, maybe I can get something productive done now! Maybe.

Cut and Paste To the Chase

Its time for a general update blog! Every once in a while the out-of-context anecdote just won't cut it and a cut-to-the-chase style blog is necessary. Let the running with scissors begin:

Weather:
Its important to start a CTTC blog with environment. This, I believe, gives one a better mental picture of what everything else looks like. Instead of imaginging me trudging through the wet elements, you should know that I have been enjoying warm breezes and a much missed mr. sunshine! We still go through rainy days here and there, but overall we're moving towards the summer months, and it really fills me with a new drive to be a human being again.

Exercise/Health:
Another biggie on the context list. With the drive to be human came the reinstated drive to get back on the path of getting this little bit of extra weight off. And, don't forget why! I hate the stigma of people thinking that I'm doing it to be with the hip crowd who's always worried about 5 pounds here and there and go on grapefruit exclusive diets that would probably destroy my insides if I tried them.
I'm essentially back where I was when I last wrote about this: hovering between 152 and 153. This time, though, I feel significantly better about it since I am exercising regularly. The last few weeks I have been walking almost every morning and certainly get some movement in somewhere in the day. Its easy to do in nice weather. This week I started a program that will hopefully make me capable of jogging again. Its a jog/walk routine that is set up to train for a 5k race. I'm not terribly interested in such things, but I am interested in being able to jog again as I have missed it since I stopped in high school. Alex is doing it with me too and its actually been a lot of fun having his silly motivation along for the ride.

Alex:
Speaking of which! He's still doing the graduate school gig, but he's getting close to the finish line. The unfortunate part is that the job market is, as we are all aware, shit. It seems to be hitting his field especially hard, but I think that speaks for itself. He might extend school for a bit because of it, but he recently was hired by a firm for the purpose of photography and we are holding out hope that this could be a foot in the door gig for him. This job is actually very exciting! He is technically a private contractor rather than working for the company, but he did some excellent networking to be given it and I'm really proud of him for putting himself out there like this.

School:
You've heard about Alex, now you can hear about mine. There were not many course choices this term in the Math Ed department. Many of the strict mathematics courses were in their second and third terms rather than their first, and education courses were virtually non-existent. It left me with two doctorate level courses looking at very similar areas of mathematics education.
This difficult part of this is that I just started graduate school, and I have no practical experience in the mathematics classroom to boot. My 9 month stint in a 6th grade math classroom as an aid isn't affording me much help, and my tutoring is not as of much use as I would have hoped it would be either. Take a lack of experience and add to it a lack of residual knowledge from my undergraduate program and you're produced an equation for a mess, at least in terms of my emotional stability.
Its getting better, and today I finally realized that it was imperative that I purchase an Abstract Algebra text book (mine mysteriously disappeared... and I'm not happy about it). Luckily the bookstore carried the exact text that I used as an undergraduate, so I am very excited that I've at least seen it written this way before.

Work:
.....
Its work. It pays the bills. I'm simply waiting until I have completed enough graduate credits to be eligible to teach at PCC. We'll see what happens when the time comes.
The neat thing that has happened though that is slightly school and slightly work related, is that another student in one of my courses, obviously a doctorate student, has invited me to view her classes. She seemed to reach out to me the first day of class, and on this past Monday collected my e-mail (she had given me hers but I was both busy and chicken) and started directly inviting me to learn from her and be involved in the things that she was doing professionally. She invited me to view her classes, and offered to ask her colleagues if I could view theirs, she informed me of a conference happening next friday which I think I might attend and which is put on by a professional society that it could be important for me to be a part of, and she offered to carpool with me to an experimental course being taught at another community college that she has been attending and that I would love to be able to go to, but it unfortunately conflicts with work...
I will likely be attending her Tuesday classes for the remainder of this term and might be attending her summer courses as well. I am considering the conference (there is one next week and one in Vegas in November that she will be presenting in) and am just a little in shock of her sudden presence in my life. It will sound cliche, but it feels like a blessing as I have been hoping for a mentor to appear in my life (other than family) for almost 3 years now. I won't hold my breath that she would be this person, but it feels like what I always hoped a mentor would be for me. Here's to crossing our fingers.

I think that about sums everything up for right now. If you think of anything I should have included, maybe I'll blog about it next week :)

The Tax Fairy

Most children don't have any inkling as to the implications of April 15th. For years they go unaffected by the frayed hairs of their parents as they might scramble in the last minutes to get their paperwork completed and off to the post office. And when they do come to understand the meaning of this day, its certainly without any joy or celebration.

I was not, and am not, most children. April 15th always held meaning in my childhood, or at least did as far back as I can remember. On April 15th, the drag of the months after new years finally ended, and it truly felt like spring and summer all at once! Even when I myself had to start filing my taxes, I never sent anything in after the end of March. I think its different for a child who's mother is an accountant. The year and the seasons aren't the same as they are for other children, and as an adult you certainly never add to the burden of the final stretch with your own return. April 15th is a holiday for the child of a CPA. For me it made everything a little brighter, warmer, and more joyful.

Don't get me wrong, my father did a wonderful job of taking the reins of me and my sister during tax season. He was, in fact "the king" for those few months, and on some level he enjoyed it. But I think he also, and more so, felt the way I did, and the end of tax season was like a breath of fresh air to us all.

That's been the difficulty of living in Oregon, tax season doesn't have a light at the end of the tunnel like it used to, because on April 15th the only thing that changes is that I can have a longer phone conversation than 2 minutes. I don't, as it seemed not too long ago, get my mother back. Despite the fact that I still look forward to this day with the same sincerity as when I was a child, its beginning to feel a tad bittersweet.

Maybe someday I'll grow out of the subconscious joy I get out of tax day, that has now become a slight disappointment. And then, maybe I'll just start flying home on April 15th to really live the last day like it is meant to be lived by children of accountants.

Easter or Sunday, Bloody Sunday

No, no. I, nor anyone I am currently acquainted with, was injured today. I'm referring to the death of Christ in my title, just so we're clear.

Easter. The holiday commemorating when Jesus was nailed to a cross, buried and then rose again to delivery easter candy to all the little children.... wait. Despite my confusion over the collaboration of spring celebrations and Christian holidays (with a dash of capitalism) the holiday was a lovely one, at least from my perspective.

Alex and I left for his parents' house last night so as to make it a bit more of a visit and not have Sunday seem quite so rushed and stressful for an early holiday meal. Speaking of which, it was non-traditional as far as my family experience, but delicious as always! Oysters (steamed and barbequed), poached salmon, steamed artichokes, salad, bread and lots of horseradish, cocktail sauce and butter! This lovely spread as well as our wonderful sushi dinner the night before was really quite a treat as far as I'm concerned, and when I get to eat great food and do my laundry at the same time, I must admit it makes me pretty darn happy.

BUUUUUT, it was too short, and sadly I couldn't enjoy it as much as I tried to let myself. Truth be told, I've been having trouble using my time wisely during the week to get my assignments done (surprise, surprise) and they get saved for the weekend, which usually means that I bullshit the assignment on Sunday night and just move on. Not that I can't do this successfully, my mother doesn't say I got a B.S. in b.s. for nothing, but it leaves me without having learned the material and I'm at a point that I actually give a damn. Go figure. At least the stakes this coming week aren't Easter, but they are quality time with Alex, and that's worth quite a bit to me too. So we'll try again and hope for the best (or at least better...).

In other news, it is now just an hour away from the 13th, which means that tax season will be over in three days and 1 hour. I look forward to the end of tax season quite a bit, though probably not as much as my mother and sister, or at least for different reasons. Or maybe not, I think they miss themselves too.

Well, Happy Easter to all! And to all a great... bunny... egg... cross... type thing!

Sunday, Sunny Sunday.

That's right, it was sunny yesterday. And not just sunny, but warm! It is now official that spring has sprung!

And as long as spring was sprunging, Alex and I figured we might as well too. We crawled out of bed at 8:30 or so, though our goal the night before had been an earlier start. Despite the fact that the word goal makes it sound like we had some idea of what we would be doing yesterday, don't let it fool you: We didn't. By 10:00 we were showered and breakfasted with at least a first destination in mind. We would walk across the river to the max station and ride to Washington Park where an arboretum lives.

Off we went, as the last chills of the night wore off to a temperature maybe a bit too high for an outting. Or at least too high for an Oregon outting. We took the steps down from the bridge to the water front park on the west side of the river and weaved our way through downtown to one of the furthest Max stops before the West Hills, then rode the short tunneled distance to Washington Park.

The stop for this park is actually in the tunnel through the hills. Its freezing in there and the elevator ride up is impressively comfortable for covering such a large altitude change in a matter of seconds. While we had planned to go to the arboretum, the moment I stepped off the transit line into the tunnel featuring fossils and a core sample with accompanying timeline, I was hankering for a museum or other at least remotely educational setting. The problem was that I also wanted to be outside. Solution? The Oregon Zoo.

Washington Park is huge, featuring the arboretum, rose gardens, japanese gardens, world forestry center, children's museum, historic mansions, and last, but not least, the zoo. I can't think of a better solution to my craving for museum like education with informational plaques on each exhibit and plenty of outdoor viewing available. It was perfect, even if Alex wasn't terribly thrilled about the idea initially. The best part was that as we were leaving the crowds had finally started to throng to our location; we had the best timing ever (it helps that I also don't do crowds for more than a few hours before getting very tired).

Even though Alex and I had only left home at 10:00, by 1:30 we had finished our round at the zoo and were taking the elevator back down to the transit line. We took it all the way back into town until we got reasonably close to Alex's school. We had planned to fill up our water bottle there and perhaps take a break in the air conditioning, but my hankerings took over our outting once again when I saw the Saturday Market in progress and decided that a fresh squeezed Lemonade was in order. And yes, it is called the Saturday Market even though it was running on a Sunday.

Alas, no lemonade was to be found, which I attest to be a travisty among outdoor markets such as this. However, we did find boba, and I suppose it was a good enough replacement for lemonade. Bobas in hand we traversed the market and came out at the water front park again. The end we were at is covered in cherry blossom trees and was absolutely picturesque while in bloom! Alex, of course, got some pictures due to its picturesqueness.

By this time we were ready to head to the other side of the river again and start making our way towards home. So, over the steel bridge we went, deciding on the way to walk around the Rose Garden and Memorial Colloseum where we could find a place to sit and have a snack. Don't be fooled by the term "Rose Garden" as it is not a garden, but a sports arena. Its actually very confusing for visitors and new arrivals to the city as no one ever uses any sort of phrase to make a distintion between the garden and the not garden. In fact, the real garden was a few miles back the way we had come.

Nothing of much interest was going on at the arenas and as we were on this side of town we decided to stop by the Japanese grocer to pick up some staples that we were out of. By this point we were both exhausted, Alex's heel had cracked since he wasn't used to wearing his sandals yet, and my feet were killing me too. We did make one last pit stop on the way back at a vegan grocer to see if they had cans of green chilis. They could have, but they didn't. We got a salty snack of tofu jerky, which tasted mildly like dog treats, and a can of olives and finally set our sites on home sweet home.

For dinner we congratulated ourselves with some huge quesadillas, which I later regretted, and looked up how far we had walked on our journey. In the approximately 7 hours we were gone we had walked between 8 and 9 miles, and not much of that time was really spent resting, other than lunch, our snack, and our short trimet rides. I calculated the activity points today and they came to 15.

It was quite the day, and I am still feeling it. Granted, I am also hankering for another adventure....

No Whiners

Mom, Dad, and Rox, I hope you get a kick out of that title. Though I suppose that you'll get the least kick out of it, Rox. Considering it involves getting kicked, I suppose that's probably okay with you. Why do I feel like this is going the way of the "dawn's ass crack" entry? Deja vu, anyone?

Moving on.

Where was I going with this anyways? Oh yes! Whining!

First off, I apologize for filling you with false hopes of pictures of the apartment renovations. I realize that for some of you (ahem-rox-cough-cough) this was devastating. I can't say I blame you; the fact that I couldn't take pictures of a completed apartment is a little devastating for me too. But life is messy, and so is my apartment.

That should have concluded better, huh?

Second off, I haven't said much about weight and fitness lately. That's because I haven't thought much about weight or fitness lately. After the week of projects, however, I got on the scale to a reading of 157. Not terrible, mind you, but high enough to make me concerned about the prospects of waking up to 170 again someday. And that just can't happen.

I refuse to pay for weight watchers, as I can still access all of the articles and recipes online that I was getting to before, and I am savvy enough with my open office spread sheet to create my own points tracker. In fact, I took some quizzes on weight watchers and apparently I am very portion savvy also. I feel good knowing that, since I think that is a key part of the weight watchers program: really knowing what a meal should look like.

The problem I found before, was that I really need to be working out. I don't, and whether the block is mental or physical, I could not break 150 with eating right alone. I found a workout plan in my new guilty pleasure: Family Circle Magazine. You can blame work for that one as we did have a subscription that has run out and now I find myself lusting after it in the grocery store line. At least its cheaper than Dwell. The program is a walk run plan to train you for a 5k race in 12 weeks. I think I'll extend it to 24 weeks since I am not training for a 5k race and I want to go easy enough on myself that I stick with it. We'll see.

I did buy a watch with a stopwatch function on it and a weight watchers calculator to help with my new go at this. The best news is that Sam seems interested in doing weight watchers too. Don't ask me if she actually decided if weight watchers is a good plan or if my will was stronger than hers, because we both know that doing a plan together helps you succeed. All I know is that I hope she gives in. It would be fun to have a buddy in this.

Speaking of Sam, though, I should go an check on her since she believes she may have bronchitis and with the way this is progressing I am afraid that she is going to get pneumonia.

No whining 'til I get back. Well... and don't whine when I get back either.