The Little Engine (aka Kelly) That Could

The excitement is wearing off a bit, but that will probably make this blog more coherent than I have managed to be in conversation thus far this evening.

Tonight, something terribly exciting happened, though I may find it more exciting than anyone else. It doesn't really mean as much at surface value when you don't have the context of my negative thoughts and prayers as of late, specifically in the realm of academics and professional goals.

To give you some insight, one of my courses is proving extremely challenging for me, more so than any course I have ever stuck it out through (there was one class I withdrew from as an undergraduate which was worse). On Tuesdays I tend to leave class feeling empty inside, lost academically and professionally, and ultimately just a little depressed. Last Tuesday I decided to walk home from class to try to stave off these feelings, but they just wouldn't let me alone. I went from wondering how I would perform up to my standards to wondering what the point was in pursuing a graduate degree at all and how I could possibly think that I was capable of this career path.

Don't worry, I know that these are extreme and unfounded, and had moved past these thoughts soon after my walk. I quickly delved back into my work, because really, what else was I going to do? Drop out? That's not acceptable. Not without proof that I really can't do this, and when I am not overwhelmed, I really do believe I can.

On top of this, there is the woman I mentioned in my blog a couple days ago who has suddenly taken being a part of my life into her own hands. I, personally, hold claim to divine intervention, but it doesn't really matter why or how she decided to reach out to me. The fact of the matter is, that she has. And this evening I received yet another e-mail from her, this time with a link and attachment to information about a Faculty Internship at the community college she instructs at.

The application isn't due until July, and there are absolutely no guarantees (in fact they only take on about 6 people), which is why at face value this is merely useful information, but when you consider my feeling last week, it seems like some sort of omen. If you'd like to check it out, you will see that I included a link to information about it in my e-mail update. I don't think it is wise to post that information here. Essentially, I would be lined up to teach as an adjunct professor by next spring and would likely be hired as such for the following fall.

Okay, maybe I can get something productive done now! Maybe.