Kelly Mermaid Boob Nose

As soon as I say "Ignore the title of my blog," the portion of people that missed it to begin with will have now noticed it. If I don't make this comment, however, the others would wait the entire blog for some explanation, even if obscure, that would never come. The title is meant to appease a friend that wanted to be able to do a web search for this exact phrase and get a hit. It is unnecessary to explain why she wishes for this.

Now, on to business as usual.

Budgets are apparently something adults have. Fake adults, such as myself, make said budget and then promptly ignore it feeling that they have done enough of an adult act in making it at all. Real adults make said budget and stick to it, at least mostly. It appears that I may be transitioning from a faker to the real deal. Its too soon to say for sure.

When I first moved to this state, I was actually pretty good about budgets. I knew how much I wanted to spend on groceries, and I took a calculator with me to the grocery store to ensure that I stuck close to the designated spending amount. Slowly but surely, however, the company I kept wore down my will to be responsible. I had two jobs, lived in a town with cheap rent, and there was plenty of money to spend haphazardly. The trend continued with shared rent and grad school loans.

And then, I graduated. It's impressive how much of a difference graduate student loans make to your "income" every three months.

After a summer of teaching where my income was (and is always) front loaded ending with a month and a half in which I made nothing, it was the middle of October and I had some serious catching up to do. Desperate times call for desperate measures... It was time to pull out (bumbum BUUMM!) Excel.

I put on my big girl pants and set up a strict budget. I reminded myself of the tricks many professional adults use for sticking to their budget such as having cash for purchases rather than credit or debit, making a list before you shop, and actually figuring out what the hell a normal price for common items is (something someone as old as I am should really know already). I scoured the weekly ads for local grocery stores, stopped shopping at Whole Foods entirely, and even looked for coupons online when I needed to buy some sort of specialty gluten free item for a recipe. It's amazing how easy it is to find said coupons if you have a very specific brand in mind.

I even spoke up at the checkout yesterday when the checker tried to charge me $0.69 for lemons when the price was posted as 2 for $1.00. Granted, most people I know see this as normal, but I have a terrible fear of confrontation and apologized repeatedly for the time spent saving me a piddly 38 cents. 38 cents makes a difference, damnit!

Not to mention, someone needed to tell them that they had them entered into their system incorrectly.

Of course, later in the day Rite Aid thwarted me because I misread their ads... I spent 2 more dollars than I intended to because the sale on soda was not a direct sale, but a $2.00 coupon that the buyer gets after they've made their purchase. "It's like paying 3/$1.99!" Stupid simile.

On the plus side, the changes resulted in a trip to Costco that did not deviate from the list(aside from the item that we forgot to put on the list in the first place). On top of this, we had other sale prices to compare to, and though we bought more at Costco, the items were all things that bulk is actually helpful for (chicken broth, chicken, and potatoes). The coupon for Swanson chicken broth makes each can $0.42 which is seven cents cheaper than the lowest sale price we found.

I'm pretty sure I sound crazy right now...

Well, there you have it. I can now direct my obsessive behavior towards something productive: being a real live adult. All we can do is hope that I continue to manage said adulthood.